This was the moment that I been waiting so long for. We had arrived at five o’clock in the morning and for hours I had waited nervously. I was so anxious I got asked to leave and go for a walk at one point. Why was I so nervous? I had the easy part in this, all I had to do was wait. I just couldn’t help it though I was too excited. Finally, after all the waiting, and hours of being witness to my wife’s pain and discomfort it was time for me to hold my little girl for the very first time.
She was the most beautiful, fragile thing I had ever held in my hands. The feeling of her in my arms was wonderful and nerve wracking. Never before had I felt so complete and happy. I felt so much love for my wife for bringing this wonderful thing into my life. I was shaking all over, afraid that I was going to lose my grip and drop her, but I never wanted to put her down. In the midst of all the joy I was experiencing feelings of my own inadequacy crept in and filled my soul.
How was I going to do this. Me and under educated line cook, barely able to scrape out a living for my wife and I. How could I have been so stupid as to think it was a good idea to bring this wonderful, innocent, gorgeous tiny life into this mess I made for myself. How was I going to raise her when I barely took the time to be an adult myself. I was going to fail her I knew it. I was never going to be the dad that she deserved. She was too good for me.
But, here she was. She was mine and in my arms, and I was all the dad she had. We’d make it work her and I.