“With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything’s far away. Everything’s a copy of a copy of a copy.”
Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk (1996)
I am tired.
I am exhausted as of late. I am continually plagued by erratic sleep patterns brought on by late nights at work and days that start twice once at six in the morning to get the kid to school and then again a one in the afternoon to get her home and then me ready for work. I am often kept awake by some minor aches and pains, as well as the usual collection of small worries that, I am sure, keep most people up at night from time to time. The pains I have are hardly new and are treated easily enough by a regimen of ibuprofen, fairly safe especially since I am no longer in the habit of drinking myself into the warm and tender embraces of oblivion each night. My overall state of weariness does afford me the opportunity to frequently stare at an open pill bottle and a half full glass of water and wonder if I was just about to take the pills, or if I have already taken them.
At some point in my life I was lead to believe that prolonged sleep deprivation, or other type of mental of physical strain could lead to great leaps of creativity. It’s probably utter bullshit and, since this has been going on for months I feel I may be looking at the bottom of the arc if there is any truth to it at all. Instead I think it leads me to stupid and futile thoughts dressed in the guise of something clever to say. Fortunately I manage to catch these before they make it past their second paragraphs, well as far as I know anyway.
Another thing I have found that lack of quality shut eye leads to not only talking to inanimate objects but, also getting quite confrontational with simple printed material. It becomes, at some point possible to have the following interaction with the instructions on the package of a Salisbury steak dinner.
Step 1) Cut slit in film over vegetables. I really didn’t plan on using a knife at this point in the evening. If you needed a damned slit in the film over the veggies why didn’t you do that at the factory? Microwave on HIGH for 4 minutes. When was the last time I used a microwave on less that HIGH? There’s enough buttons on this thing that it’s freaking me out as it is, don’t go making me look for one I don’t need.
Step 2) Stir potatoes and Rotate steak one half turn. Now you’re just trying to get me to play your little game. Stir the potatoes? You’re just trying to give me stuff to do now, let me think I’m part of this whole process. What’s with this rotating the steak thing anyway, of course I’m only turning it half way. Rotating it all the way round would be wasting my freaking time! Replace film cover. Replace it? What the #@$% are you talking about? When the hell did we even discuss taking the damned thing off in the first place. You’re just trying to #@$%ing confuse me now. Microwave on HIGH for an additional 2½ to 3½ minutes. For the love of… Look you son of a bitch, I’m not asking for much here, maybe just a little commitment on your part. I mean it’s late so, can you just stop trying to screw with me and settle on a number? Seriously you make fifty million of these things a year, you’ve tested them over and over and you can’t just call it three minutes and be done with it. #@$%ing &$$hole.
Step 3) Let Stand 2 minutes CAREFULLY remove as PRODUCT WILL BE HOT! Oh, imagine that. Something I placed in the microwave to be cooked will come out of it hot. You know, I’ve had rough night at work, and I don’t need this kind of crap from a piece of cardboard, that was, until recently, wrapped around another piece of cardboard that’s passing itself off as something edible. How about I do you one better than just waiting a mere two minutes. I’ll go ahead and make myself a god damned sandwich. I’ll come back when and if I feel like it.
4)Check that product is cooked thoroughly. Seriously, go screw yourself.
I am not quite sure much longer I can put up with this slight degeneration of my mental state. The good news is, in just under two weeks the school year will be done so I might manage an extra couple of hours of sleep from time to time.
Then again there’s talk of piano camp and swim lessons over the summer.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.