I am stumbling drunk down the street and there is this sickening, grinding crunch, I come to the immediate conclusion that the sound is my knee and then I fall. The ground is so very far away.
My eyes open I am facing a brick sidewalk. Now, I am up on my hands, my right leg doesn’t work. I don’t feel any real pain, I’m too drunk to feel. Gotta get up, gotta get home. I can do this. I just gotta get moving, it will be alright once i get on my feet. There is a railing.
I am dragging myself. I am bleeding. I make it to the railing. Hand over hand I pull myself up. I am standing, breathing, exhausted. I have a few miles to get home, but I am on my feet. I got this. Deep breath and I step away from the railing.
My eyes open. Damn it, I’m not gonna make it home. I am crawling again. Where the fuck do I think I am going? I roll onto my back. Didn’t I have a backpack? There it is, how did it end up all the way over there? That is quite a lot of blood. I can’t walk.
“I can’t fucking walk! Help! Someone help!” The streets are empty. The bars closed hours ago. No one is listening.
I am laying on the sidewalk below a set of condos screaming and no one cares. How long have I been here? Seems like a while. Probably wind up being here until dawn. I really should buy a cellphone for myself.
Someone is standing over me. Tony, it’s Tony, and James, and Matt. They found me. There asking me questions. Tony wants to know what he should do.
“Call fucking nine-one-one!” Am I yelling? Am I laughing? I’m pretty sure I’m laughing. Maybe I’m crying. I can’t tell. Oh good here come the police.
More questions. Was I in a vehicle? Was I riding a bike? I’m not asking, the cop is. Have I been drinking? Is this guy serious. I feel amazingly sharp for being this drunk though. Oh here’s an ambulance. More questions some of them are the same. No I don’t want any opiates, thank you.
My eyes open. White light, a noise like someone mumbling through a bullhorn and I’m floating. Why is everything so bright? Hallway, hospital hallway, X-rays, my leg and my head. Some kind of scan on my skull looking for some other reason than too much to drink. My kneecap is broken. Can’t walk without one of those it turns out. Stitches in my chin, guys too young to be a real doctor, probably still in Med School. I give him shit about this being my first time ever getting stitches, which is good because seems like it’s his first time giving them. Yeah I’m being a jack ass, but he’s the one decided to try small talk while he has that god damned spotlight in my eyes and that needle in my face. He finishes and leaves I think I pissed him off. I gotta fucking broken knee, and he’s worried about five god damned stitches.
My eyes open. Two doctors are in my little curtained off cubbyhole that I was placed in. It’s dark, I think they’re doctors. Talking about waiting to get off shift. One tells the other that it’s almost ten in the morning.
“Shit, I need to call my wife. Needless to say she’s more than pissed at me. She was waiting up for me most of the night and was trying to get our daughter ready for her appointment when I call.
This is your sign you drunk asshole.